It’s 6:12 AM. I haven’t slept. I so miss these moments in the real day, when I have the responsibilities I can shirk in this half-night darkness. It’s okay that I’m alone now because the day is fresh with dew outside and all these opportunities can open up when the sun rises. I have so much potential in this time. This is the peak of my potential energy. I’m the toy car on a hill in those fifth grade physics problems. And I could race. And I could win, if I would just turn over my ignition. It’s like some days my key doesn’t work and I’m this broken mindless toy. And some days I over shoot by a million miles and I’m halfway to Alabama, or Nebraska, or New York before I realize just how wrong I am. These are the only times I feel anything close to prophetic. I can build a new world for myself. One in which I master the simple tasks of living as a human being. I’m so full of bullshit.
I’m so fucking tired.